I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
