I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
