Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
