i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
did i just pee glitter
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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