I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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