Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
