sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
