If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize