Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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