Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
