Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
