I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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