easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
