I wannas sexs uuuuu
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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