I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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