i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
