I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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