How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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