I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
