I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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