I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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