I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
