You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
