there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
