We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
