3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
