I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
