So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
