hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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