Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
