Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
