I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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