My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
