To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
