Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This is the high leading the old right now
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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