YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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