Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
