god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Randomize
