I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize