his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
