Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The best revenge is premature balding
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
