matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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