Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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