My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
