Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
