But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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