I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
