there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
