Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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