she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
