i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
