haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
