I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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