my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
