I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
