Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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