the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's official drugs can't kill me
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
