i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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