That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize