ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
