Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
