How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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