I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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