I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
