I'm gonna have a badass scar
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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