dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I need a burrito and a hug.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
