then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
