You made me cry and you don't even care
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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